For the past few months, my heart has been pulling me through a roller coaster of emotions. Everything I’ve worked hard for has made this decision very difficult but it is one I feel is the best direction for my business.
If you would have asked me in the past why I started my photography business my answer was always “to fill a void of not having my own wedding documented”. It has been the driving force in becoming a wedding photographer and has truly fulfilled my void. I have been blessed and honored to photograph over 100 weddings and be a part of such a special day for my couples. My couples all have a special place in my heart and it’s been one hell of a ride!
But in 2019, my energy shifted. I’ve been a little frustrated with work and I wasn’t sure why. My flame, my passion for what I was doing was not the same. I would talk to my husband about it and I really couldn’t figure out why. That’s until 2019 wedding season started and I realized why!
I want my weekends back!
It is no secret being a wedding photographer is a lot of work and takes up a lot of time. I use to enjoy it so much! But after so many years of not having weekends to be with my family, it has taken a toll on me. If my daughter has an event, I miss it. If my husband has an event, I miss it. If we want to plan a trip, it’s very difficult. I took the summer of 2019 off of weddings and I felt free! It was a sign that something needed to change.
I need to spend more time with my family!
Getting phone calls from my daughter crying asking when I will be home was tugging on my heart. I would be gone 10-12 hours a day and by the time I got home, she was asleep. I felt as if these precious little moments were slipping away and I wasn’t enjoying them. I was working so hard to provide for her and be a role model but at what cost? When she was smaller time really didn’t have much value. Now as she gets older, she realizes mommy is gone a lot. I have one child and as a mother, I felt guilty. Yes, she understood mommy had to work but she still missed me. There would be days she would try to wait up for me and leave a note on my nightstand. It would read “Mommy I love, come home already”. Tears just rolled down my eyes! My husband, who is my number one supporter could feel my energy shift and always encouraged me to make the right decision for our family. He has truly been my rock through all the emotions of letting this part of my business end. All he wants is for me to be happy again.
I opened up a studio, I want to use it more!
It has always been a dream of mine to have a photography studio. So in 2018, when the opportunity came along to finally open a studio I was the happiest girl EVER! It has become my second home and every time I walk through those doors, I take a deep breath and smile! Having a studio has allowed me to perfect my studio lighting skills and open up another type of service to my clients that I couldn’t’ before. My passion for newborn photography has grown immensely since the opening of my studio and I just love capturing those precious little baby’s just a few days old. Till this day Leah’s Newborn photos are hanging on my walls at home. It is one session I feel is timeless and by far one of the happiest moments ever. Becoming a parent is a blessing and I want to capture more of it!
I can honestly go on and on about my decision but those three main factors are the reasons I have decided as of 2020 to not continue shooting weddings. I want to dedicate time to things that make me happy. And shooting weddings did for a while, but not anymore. I could not allow my feelings to affect my work. That is why I have slowly prepared for this and my LAST and FINAL wedding will be in September 2020! When I told my daughter over the weekend she literally put her hands up, counted the months and said “Mommy your last wedding is in 9 months and that’s it? You won’t be gone again?” In that little moment, I knew I’ve made the right decision.
I want you to know it’s OK to sometimes walk away from something that isn’t sparking your joy. It’s OK to make changes. Life is to short to continue on a path that does not fulfill you. It doesn’t matter how many followers you have on social media. It doesn’t matter what others might think. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. What matters is your happiness and your health!
As 2020 begins, I hope you all stay with me and enjoy the new wave of EGP! I’ve been struggling with finding a better balance with work and home, and this is it! I am still the same passionate photographer who wants to continue to give 100% and provide an amazing experience to my clients. The difference, my passion has changed! You will see the changes throughout the next couple of weeks including a newly revamped website, pricing, and energy!